We eventually got back together, sort of. Both assets are necessary. I always thought my husband would stay..He never judged me, yelled at me, or did a single thing to hurt me. I forgave her, or so I thought. But till now I think does she want to be friends because we have a shared loan to pay off Im just confused cause what I did I just dont understand of what I did why would she want be friends after what I had did. This past week she saw that I was very unhappy and that it was causing a lot of problems to our relationship so she decided to close the open relationship, now idk what to think. Saying things that are out of character, reminding me that I hurt him, so I have no ground to stand on, almost pretending Im not there some of the time. I am angry he was not honest about his true feelings the last few months. It seems to me you are covered. I need to be caring, loving. I dated 3 women in the past, got cheated on in all 3 while I remained faithful to each one of them. He admitted it to me and when I said never contact me again he said call me in about a month when your knocked up!! I moved to my mothers the next day. He screamed so hard she screamed in terror (at 2 mos when she just got home). "Once you love someone, unless your respect for them is. She has stated since that day that she wants to love me, but is numb, which I truly understand because Im the same way with regret and shame. One thing she did mention was that she has been having panic attacks one that bad she had to get a work friend to drive her home. Hello Dr. Deb (with many racy messages and pics, that linger in my mind) I still loved and missed her so much. Be found at the exact moment they are searching. We have both suffered from depression but I forgive, and have friends now who have hurt me badly in the past. The feelings were still there for both of us. She said she never really loved the guy but he divorced her within a few months of marriage. We started dating and lasted 3 years and our families even met and spent time together and loved each other. I could tell that there was more to it thought. Thats part two (how you feel about your partner). I know that will sound just the opposite of what it seems so let me explain: People use sex as a way to AVOID a real relationship. I met my wife while I was in recovery, I am an alcoholic. How can I make him confident enough in me to try and forgive? Toxic messages are verbal abuse and verbal abuse is traumatic. Thank you, He had a rough upbringing and there was no solid male figure in his life to teach him how to really love. But the last 4months since I was honest when she asked shes beat me down to the point. Sometimes, he says hes not justifying what he did, but makes statements out of frustration that sound like justification. I think thats what happened. He said his heart wasnt in it, he wasnt happy, things hadnt really changed. This is driving me physically and emotionally crazy I dont know what to do for some reason my biggest fear is hurting him even though hes hurt me a million times. But a few weeks prior to him first kissing me, I tried to kiss him when he hugged me and he pulled away, saying be happy with what just happenedmeaning a hug and an I love you. Please help! I hurt and cry (even at work) when I stay away from him. Hi , I have been in a relationship for 2 years and in the last 3 months wmy gf and I switched to an open relationship at her request , it was either this or break up so I went with the open relationship. She said she just needed to time for her to figure out what she wanted. I do love him. With the degree of insight you already have and the motivation that I believe you also have, your whole entire therapy process should be under a year, maybe even six months of effort. But he wouldnt give any terms or promises for the future. Prior to that, I came across her FB page and stumped on a picture that resembles same guy that went to us to home Depot last October. Hes actually with a girl now that I was friends with I dont mind as long as he is happy and I think hes happy with her because he usually does not date. He is very clear that he cannot be with me anymore, he cant find his feelings towards me ( however, when asked if there was a way to find them would he want to find them he said he would but he did not believe it was possible anymore). I wrote the below last year and never received a response. But she was okay with her role in his life as long as she had him and that hed have to put up with me his bm drama. I feel lost and sad. Be sure whoever you go to is specifically trained as a marriage therapist, because that is its own field. She is leaving me and nothing I can do or say will fix it. I just want her to know Im a actually doing something for myself. I just feel tired like the fight in me is gone and I just dont care if it works out or not. I will spend my life missing him and in regret. Id like to hear your take on my situation. I messed up the best thing in my life. If i dont answer her call, she shows up at my door. A few months after my brother passing I became pregnant and controlled myself from acting anyway negative. I dont know what to do? I was very happy and excited but can feel he is closing himself up . Boosting your energy, increasing your love of yourself and of life, and allowing you to confidently put someone elses needs in front of your own are not easy but they are doable. I love him so much, I feel I lost my best friend but I have to respect myself. I have been married for 12 years next week. I choose to love myself and to aim for my own happiness. I have been dealing with depression for many years since having children with my boyfriend, he has always been someone who loved to drink and over the years of enjoyment of drinking turned into the need of drinking. he is the bestest guy i could ever have. Please dont get involved with a liar. It works. Her and her bf have been together for 7 years now. Ive only ever done this once before, not to say that this is okay. I gave up alcohol and smoking. They are educated in our society to turn off their deeper feelings until they are disconnected from them. I went away to volunteer in a different country by myself ( it was my first time traveling alone and out of the US). Once he calmed down I was finally able to tell him why I sent that text. I was naive in thinking that not reaching my goals wouldnt hurt anyone. She hasnt given me any details as to why. It may seem that the person you love hates you right now, but more often than not, they still care deep down. I feel the same way. It is not GOOD, but it is normal. I too loved him very much. I am thinking there is more going on than you are aware of. she just makes me super happy and i cant stop spending time with her or being with her. He has told me multiple times that the wall he put up was a reaction to the pain I caused him. I guess she wants to figure out if she even wants this any more. Eventhough he has been treating me like shit, he deserves more than that. It shocked me to the core and 6 months of thinking I dont love him anymore, has made me not want to be with him anymore. I just checked that she posted on Facebook. But it kept happening. The hard part is that i see her every day (at work) and some days it feels like Im slipping back into anxiety ridden grief. The sex stopped, and I cant stand to even have him touch me. it was good. Keep your answers calm and to the point. Not to be a buzz kill but counselors who would be qualified to help you are few and far between. Make some effort to plan things out He still puts a smile on face and makes me laugh. We now live in 2 different states, we chat online, skype and spend at least once a week on the phone for about 3-4 hours. He even referenced your blog postthe part about doing this backwards. He/she matters to you. A year from then I thought hes moved forward but he then got back to the topic of my ex and continued to be upset. I wished in my heart I had kept them words to myself, he knew I liked him a lot. Isnt it funny that he showers you with gifts and suddenly wants to marry you AFTER you had sex? Master of fact she already Wales half-way when she called. If only Id been more patient and stayed away from her awhile so she could have been thinking like she said she would. So I was wondering if indeed her relationship with the guy is not that serious. We struggled with this issue as one of our only fights over the course of 3-4 yrs. Love past the hurt, give her space. I understand that if it can be fixed then there is no point in forcing it. Part one: How the other person makes you feel about yourself. 6) New partners bore you to tears Dr deb I trusted him to be responsible. Theres no doubt that I love him and want things to work between us but I really feel I resent him. I texted D & asked her to return our vehicle immediately. And through out the summer I felt our communication was extremely poor and at times felt like he was ignoring me and didnt really care for me. my wife and I were married in May of 2013. Wow, thats awful. My boyfriend of 2 years has left me. Her biological father is an oncologist and spent most of her childhood at work, she never bonded with him (red flag 1)and they havent spoke since she was 18. She finally left me on September 5th. How can I get him to trust me and show him that Im not going to hurt him. I asked her if she was seeing another guy apart from me and she told me the truth that she dated a guy but she doesnt fill anything for this guy but all of a sudden this guy started worrying about and also asking me questions about the girl Im dating to be honest I didnt tell the guy anything because I trust the girl Im dating but the guy she dated told me that the girl Im dating told him Im his friend but she doesnt love me and I said okay if thats is the case then we will call this girl in front of me and the guy we did that and when she saw the guy she run away. When your ex- sees you as completely changed and she, too, is stronger and healed, then there are possibilities. I suffer from PTSD due to my ex-husband stabbing me as well as cheating and other forms of mental abuse. But Im at a loss on how to make up for something that is in the past and cannot be changed. Introduced me to everyone. At about 4 months in, I ran into my ex and she asked me questions I could not answer like what does this new girl do that I didnt and do you love her to make a long story short, I told her that I didnt love her anymore, and never really did, and she FREAKED OUT! hi Nadine, But I honestly feel that is a mixture of her defense towards me not changing and us falling into the same abusive relationship again, mixed with also the scars are so deep she may not see how she can ever look past them even though she says she has forgiven me. and i cheated on her. So, if I was off once he got off work I expected hed spend time with me but no all he did was sleep all day until he had to wake up and go to work later that night. I found instead an email he sent to his ex girlfriend asking her to come back to him. My boyfriend and I started dating 2 years ago. We have been divorced since 2007 and we still went back and forth trying to make it work but prior to getting married, I had called off a traditional church wedding (which case was what his mother wanted to begin with/interfering in-laws) but back to the point. I cant move bcus i own my house. Then he had a tendency to want to have sex and Id tell him O,you just want my body. Mind you, before this happened he was the most loving, emotionally sound, complete gentleman Ive ever met in my life. We were friends for a long time beforehand but lived in different countries. Dr. Deb be honest please if they got together in June is it true and possible that like my husband said he is in love with the other women. I never said that. Although she says she finds me attractive she cant open up, her heart to have sex with me , she just cant. getting pregnant was not what i wanted at the time because i was in university. You did the right thing to go to a professional. On the other hand, maybe there is really something wrong with the relationship and you just cant put your finger on it. Vicky, jealousy comes from a person feeling insecure inside himself. She was happy to see me. Well I found out about a month later, that they were phone sexting. Thats how I use to be but I eventually swallowed my pride and Id just tell her how I feel. I keep telling him that trust can be rebuilt and that I am going to try and be better person for myself, for him, for us and for his girls. I dont feel anything when we kiss or have sex. We click off very well and slowly feelings develop. Then he came by my house later to pick up his laptop but I wasnt able to log out of Facebook. Sex pretends you are close but it leaves out the everyday thingslike staying with your girlfriend when her grandfather died. Im trying to get the feelings back? This person is tasked with the challenge of getting each of you to open up your deepest (positive) feelings but also your fears, anxieties, all of it. My boyfriend and I were perfect, then I messed up. He is not a problem solver. I have treated the one person that I truly admire like crap for so many years. I asked him to say something during the day if he remebers me but he didnt. Hi Betty, This situation may be your wake-up call to take care of yourself. but the truth is i was in contact with him . The famed poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow once penned the beautiful words, "Be still, sad heart! My life is at a stagnant and it depresses me because everyone around me is in a serious relationship or married and Im always stuck in the same place. Hi Marie, He then had an accident 2 years later which has left him in huge amounts of pain. If I left would it be unfair to my daughter? My wife and I have been together for 17 years total, married for the last 8. 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can you love someone again after hating them
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can you love someone again after hating them